Let me begin by
saying that I both love and hate the Hard Rock Casino-Hotel in Las Vegas. Ive
written about this place before in articles like
Where Do You Want To Play?. Borrowing from that, I wrote: The
young hip posse at the Hard Rock Casino is certainly different from the suburbanites that
mostly populate the yuppified-MGM Grand and the conventioneers at the Venetian. I
went on to say: It's
been quite a while since I was in my 20's but I personally like the Hard Rock with it's
surgically-enhanced, lipo-suctioned, collagen-injected, silicone and saline-inserted,
fashion-forward, "I'm trying soooo
hard to be cool" look. Conversely,
I also like the Castaways (formerly The LV Showboat) with its slower, walker and
wheel-chair pace. It may be God's waiting-room, but it has a more polite and civilized
feel than the testosterone-charged, estrogen-filled air of the Hard Rock Casino, although
it does smell a bit like Absorbine Junior. Okay, that is
what I had to say about it last year. My
comments would pretty much be the same now, but perhaps I painted an incomplete and unfair
picture. There are
good and bad things about the Hard Rock that are unique to that particular casino. First is the
clientele. If you visit here on any night of the week, you
will find the largest concentration of 20-somethings, and early 30-somethings, that have
found a place where they are comfortable and feel like a member of their own exclusive
club. The reason that they are so comfortable
is the fact that they are surrounded by like-aged, like-minded, like-moneyed
Generation-Xers and Generation-Nexters. Second is the
music. Now, almost all casinos play music, but at the HR,
they play it L-O-U-D! With the opening of the
new Palms Casino Hotel across from the Rio and Gold Coast Casinos, their reputation for
having the loudest music is being challenged, but so far the Hard Rock hasnt been
toppled from its decibel-pedestal. Third is the
clientele. Oh, I know that I mentioned that before, but
its worth mentioning again. The
round bar in the middle of this round casino is where a lot of hookers hang a-round. There are so many working girls that
ply their trade; if the Shriners ever hold a major convention at the same time as the Navy
holds their Tail-Hook convention in Las Vegas; there will be a serious shortage of hookers
for the L.A. set of shiny-shirted, goateed, baggy-crotched pant posse of Eminem
look-alikes. There are
also a lot of female weekend warriors who drive in to pick up a little cash to
augment their college-education. Ah, Mummy
and Daddy would be so proud that little Megan, Kursten, Brittany, and Angie dont
have to subject themselves to the humiliation of working at McDonalds. Being propositioned here is a frequent and varied
experience. Speaking of Navy aviators;
they would say that this is definitely a target-rich environment, if you know
what I mean. Even though I dont partake
in any of those offerings; it makes for some very interesting people-watching activities. Fourth is the
playing conditions. Most of the craps players here are trying to look
good while theyre playing dice. Its more important that they look
good at what they are doing rather than actually doing it well. The dice fly off of the tables here more than they
would if you were playing on your kitchen table. Theres
a lot of over-the-shoulder fastball pitches, and plenty of showmanship, but very little
skill with all of the random dice-tossers. If
you are very superstitious, or just plain impatient; this is not the place for you. Fifth is the
table conditions. They have six tables, each of the
14-foot variety. The base material is fine,
but the felt is a deep color of purple. I
suppose that is to pay homage to the rock group, Deep Purple. Regardless, its an unusual color when you
are used to either normal green or Hilton Blue layouts.
The lighting is subdued throughout the entire casino. In the craps pit, it is the lowest light that
Ive played under if you disregard a few basement practice-table layouts that I have
seen. When you combine the purple cloth, and
their use of either purple, blue or black dice; then you end up with difficult to see
dice-outcomes in the deeply-shadowed corners or edges of the tables. Sixth is the
food. The Pink Taco serves mediocre Mexican-influenced
food, while Mortonis serves
you guessed it
California-influenced Italian
offerings. Frequent visitors rave about an
off-the-menu steak and shrimp special in Mr. Luckys, their 24/7 diner. Its one of those Im in the know,
so Ill brag about it kind of things that make tourists feel like part of the
in crowd. Generally, the food is
unmemorable, and about as exclusive as a Hard Rock Café t-shirt. Seventh is
the clientele. Oh yeah, I mentioned this before didnt I?! Now why is it that I keep coming back to this
particular subject? Okay, Ill admit
that the amount and variety of eye-candy is stupendous. Just as soon as you spot what you are convinced is
the most gorgeous woman in the world, yet another woman appears who makes the first one
look like the lead puppy in an Alpo dog-food commercial.
Even the
dealers will halt a craps game just to drink in the passing sights. There is a lot of prompting by other players to
convince certain passing ladies to join into the game.
Oh, did I mention that someone must have passed the word to nearly every one
of the ladies, that wearing that perfect little black dress, was the only way
to go? Eighth is the
pool. You are probably wondering why I
waited so long to mention this little feature. Lets
just say that if you are at one of their swim-up blackjack tables and you see someone
drowning, forget about the lifeguard or one of those floatation rescue-rings. Throwing in one of the surgically-enhanced young
ladies would provide enough buoyancy to re-float the Titanic and the Andrea Doria, and
still provide enough nutrition to save a small starving third-world country. Need I say more?
There is very little swimming, but a whole lot of parade traffic. Even if you are wearing your Serengeti
sunglasses, you will feel your eyeballs starting to melt from all the heat generated by
the hot, hard bodies at poolside. Ninth is the
rooms. Actually their standard rooms at the Hard Rock
are
well
standard. However, their
suites are kind of nice in a neo-modern/beaux-arts retro/rainbow vomit-of-color sort of
way. Most rooms and all suites have their own
private balcony, which are generally the size of your average kitchen drawer. Weve actually only stayed there four or five
times in the last three years, but weve never encountered any major or even minor
problem of note. Finally,
there are the COMPS. Actually, that is the only reason that I started
to write this article in the first place. Up
until about three years ago, I didnt play at the Hard Rock Casino very much at all. What changed all of that was an invitation to a
George Thorogood & the Delaware Destroyers concert.
I was surprised at the invitation from a casino host that I had never
actually met. Upon subsequently meeting him,
I inquired whether they routinely comped to their on-going, and now legendary concert
series. His answer shouldnt have
surprised me, but it did. Until then, I
hadnt equated the HRs comp policy with that of other more conventional
casino/hotels. He said that 20% to fully 80%
of all of their concert tickets were comped. Knowing
the small size of their venue called The Joint, I figured that the comp-threshold would be
a lot higher, and the resultant comped-tickets would be much more difficult to get. As it turned out, I was happy and pleased to be
totally wrong. As some of
you may know, there are a few music tours that are currently making some news. The good news for frequent Hard Rock players is
that the concert-comps are available for those who qualify.
Heres
an example of how good the gettin can get! We
just received comps to see Alanis Morrisette, Elvis Costello, The WHO, and the Eagles. Each ticket is in the $350 range because of the
small size of the venue, and I guess to reflect the magnitude of the performers. If I had to pay for these tickets myself,
Ive got to tell you that my interest would be quite a bit lower. However, when they are free, my interest rises
substantially. I suppose, its like a
comped gourmet meal after a good winning session
the food always seems to taste
better when its free. By the way,
off-hours at the Hard Rock Casino is from about 8:00 am through to about 4:00 pm. During those hours the crowds are lighter, the
average player age is higher, the dealers are more attentive, the music volume is lower,
the eye-candy is less distracting, and the winning seems to be easier. Good Luck & Good Skill at the Tables
and in
Life. The Mad Professor
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